My new reality on this earth has begun. I can’t quite explain it but I just feel as though I’m missing an appendage and I can’t quite figure out where it has gone. The funeral was awe inspiring, almost 300 people came, it turned into standing room only. It’s amazing how many lives my brother touched in such a short time on this earth. I can only hope that I can be half the person he was and elict a quarter of that kind of love and support.

So many people went above and beyond with helping out during the week of the funeral. The response from everyone was overwhelming and I can’t even find the right words to thank everyone. My faith in humanity was really restored throughout this process. In spite of all the negative on this earth there are so many good people out there that really do care. It’s heartening.

Myself and my parents are slowly working our way through all the good deeds, kind words and support and thanking everyone individually. It’s the least we can do. The response to the post I made was incredible and I appreciate everyone who left a comment or prayer. I’ll be working on replying to everyone this coming week as I can.

The Hotness has returned to Kuwait, so I’m alone again. Not really alone, but you know what I mean. There’s less than 100 days until I see him again so that will help out a lot. I have a lot to keep me busy over the next couple months so that should help the time fly.

I still have a brother, he’s just not here right now. I’m glad that where he is now he was welcomed by the many friends and family we’ve lost in the past. It makes me feel better that he’s not up there alone.

To be honest with you all the pragmatic part of me doesn’t entirely believe in heaven or hell. I’m not a person of faith per say…I don’t know if I can explain this without sounding like an asshole or anything so please don’t take offense at any of this, I’m simply trying to work through my own head space. But the hopeful part of me continues to say that there is a heaven and he is there and I will see him again. I hope that the hopeful side is right. It’s the only thing helping me deal with this. If my pragmatic self is true it would kill me to know that the last time I ever saw my brothers face was as he was being taken to be cremated.

It’s all very conflicted in my head and I don’t think it’s going to ever be resolved until I actually leave this world and find out for myself. I hope that over time the ideal of being able to see him again will completely take over, I have to convince myself of that because no matter what anyone says my logic always has the theory shattering “Well that’s nice, but…” waiting in the wings to reason the idea away. I wish I was more emotional and less logical about things. But I guess I have to work with what I’ve got.

Anyway, I’m sitting in my dad’s office down in Sierra Vista waiting for The Hotness to get online so I can have my nightly chat with him. It’s raining which is nice, kind of settling the dust, I’ll sleep good tonight. I should really get onto something else though, so many tasks to attend to and so little time to do it all. Thank yo again to everyone for everything, I don’t even have the words to really express the gratitude so just thank you all.

On Wednesday June 11th 2008 I began living a nightmare. I received a call that my only, and younger brother had drowned in a lake while on vacation in Utah. I had just spoken to him two days before and he was so excited to be coming home on the 12th. He told me he loved me and would see me on Thursday, he never made it back.

I’ve spent 20 of my 22 years on this earth with that boy who has been a mix of brother and son to me. I’ve held him, protected him, and loved him more than any person on this earth will ever understand. I have lost half my soul and I can never get it back again. We were a set, a salt and pepper shaker and now all that’s left is me - I hope the world likes pepper because that’s all that they’ll be getting from now on.

I can’t explain the hurt and I don’t ever expect anyone to fully understand what’s in my heart and my mind. Man has not created a word in any language to express the sheer pain and emptiness that has taken permanent residence in my body. I’ve almost lost Sebastien many times over the years and have always managed to find a way to save him. This time I failed and I know it’s not my fault but I still failed him for the final time. I will never be the same and it’s a hell that I will live with every hour of every day of the rest of my life. No one can help me and no one can make it better.

I ask now for prayers for my family and for the girls that were with him when he died. For the people who are wanting to come to the funeral it will be held on Thursday June 19th in Sierra Vista, AZ. If you would like to have all the information, need an address, or need a phone number please email me at sarah.chasse@hotmail.com and I will provide what you need. Do not email me at any other address you may have for me as I’m not home right now and cannot access them to respond.

In lieu of flowers we ask that a donation be made to a memorial account that has been set up for Sebastien, the funds in that account will be donated to the amazing volunteer search and rescue team that recovered my brothers body from the lake. We hope to help them help others that are put in the situation that we have been so violently thrown into. Again, email me at sarah.chasse@hotmail.com to get the information on how to make a contribution.

My brother was a great fisherman and being on the water was his love. I ask from the bottom of my heart that every person that reads this takes a basic water safety class and make sure if you have kids they take one as well. I can only pray that you would equip yourself and the ones you love with the tools to avoid a situation such as this. I would not wish what has happened to my family on my worst enemy and so if you can do nothing else for me just make yourself safe.

I pray for his soul, I know he has found peace and is fishing in the best lake that heaven has to offer. I hope his line stays baited, the water stays calm and the fish are biting.

With my heart and soul,
His Pepper Shaker

I’ve acquired two guests until the 22nd! They’ve each got four little paws, a cute little wet nose, and a tail that is always wagging In case you still haven’t guessed I’m dog setting and it’s just lovely to tell ya the truth! I came home today and found two little faces that were wicked happy to see me which did my heart good because this day…well week…has been hell on wheels. I’m going to try and get some pictures of them during their stay here at Casa de la Buggie and share them with the three people who still come around here *chuckle*

Happy Thursday!

So in a moment of insanity and after much hullabaloo by the store manager who loves me I agreed to take on a second job at Pappa John’s! I know, I know, I literally don’t have time to wipe my ass anymore so I shouldn’t really be flouncing into another paycheck but I figure what the heck?

The Hotness’s daughter works there and they love her, and they love me so it’s gonna be good. Management has agreed to work with my hectic schedule and even though I’m making only half of what my “real job” pays it’ll be nice to have a few extra dollars every couple weeks.

Mind you, I’ve had to totally re-think my schedule and it’s actually a good thing because now I can shift around projects and family to make all of this a little easier on me. Now, I have yet to fit school into this little clusterfuck I call a life so we’ll see how that turns out, but I think I can swing all of this shit…

I hope.

Anywhoot, enough about my retarded spur of the moment decisions…earn yourself some karma points and free shit by visiting TrueLemon and requesting a free sample of their crystallized lemon substitute. Why you ask? Well for every person that requests a free sample of their goods they send 10 packets of TrueLemon to the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan!

Pretty nice of them eh? I know for a fact those folks drink a LOT of water over there and eventually they’ve got to be sick to death of it’s taste. So go get it here and then pat yourself on the back for brining some lemony goodness to our brave men and women

Below is a reprint of a post I’d written in the VirtualDJ help forum. I figured Google will index this post someday and maybe the next poor shmoe having VirtualDJ/Live365 issues can use this
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Hi ya’ll I’m new to the forum However, I figured I’d post this as I was quite frustrated earlier about not being able to find a working solution to my problem anywhere online. I work at an online radio station that used Live365 and was using Winamp to broadcast my show. Last week my brother bought me a copy of VirtualDJ as a surprise gift and I finally sat down today to start playing with it!

Much to my chagrin I found that when I entered my IP/Port info from the Live365 site into VirtualDJ’s Broadcast config it would say that it was connected and broadcasting but when I’d try to stream the station Live365 would say that there was no broadcast. *grrr* I tried everything, blocking ports, unblocking ports, telling the ports their mother was a wilder beast and their father smelled of elderberries, etc etc. NOTHING was making it work.

I sat down and had a good long think about it and decided to try ONE last thing before I wrote it off as useless and went slinking back to crappy Winamp. I logged into Live365 and went to My Profile (little grey tabs in the main window). In that window in the third box down was my Live365 Broadcast Format (”Your Broadcast’s Format”).

The format on mine was set at 64kbps/44kHz/stereo mp3PRO. So, I go back to my VirtualDJ and change my bitrate which was set at 96kbps per everyones advice to 64kbps and tried for the last time to broadcast using my shiny new toy…

TOTALLY FREAKIN’ WORKED!! So if you’re having the same problem just check what format your Live365 broadcast is set at then adjust your VirtualDJ bitrate accordingly and give it another try I hope this helps someone - good luck!